I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
