She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
