Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
