all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
