I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
