Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
