Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
