im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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