i barfeds in our rink
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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