what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
