So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
