An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
