I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize