Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
