gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We left the knife in your bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
