Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
