There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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