i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
