She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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