I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
