Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's always time for handjobs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
