Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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