I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, beer. Big fan.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
