She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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