would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
