I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
