so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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