What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
