I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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