and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
