i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
