then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
