Already got asked if we're dating
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
