Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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