I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......