His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with