My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon