Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH