I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.