there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
