Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
