i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
