I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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