so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
