Buhtt sex?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
