i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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