I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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