I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
