They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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