This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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