i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
