i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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