Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
