I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
