Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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