As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
