I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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