you're like a bully in the Christmas story
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
