I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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