oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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