I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
