Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
