Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
