is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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