I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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