smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
