Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
