In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
