It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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