i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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