I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
