we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
