Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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