these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
