she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
