The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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